"You have an interesting way with words"...

"You have an interesting way with words" a teacher once told me.  She'd always just chuckle or look puzzled after I'd put my crazy spin on topics during class discussion.  I never really understood what she meant by that statement.  That is, until I met my coteacher, Lanny.  This woman never ceases to amaze me.  Every day seems like a conversational adventure :)

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L:  Cony, if you look at pictures of good looking babies, you will have good looking babies one day, too.

Me:  Why are you telling me this? And are you saying I won't have good looking babies?

L:   Oh no! I am sure you will.  But maybe Nicky will not. I will bring in pictures of my children for her to look at.  Her baby will grow beautiful then.

Me:  Looking at pictures of cute kids WILL NOT determine how good looking your children are.

L: Yes, it will. I have proof. Look at my children.

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Dinner conversation that took place while meeting her husband for the first time...

L:  Cony, remember I told you I am my husband's first lover? 

Me:  ummm...yup, I remember (awkward because her husband is sitting beside me).

L:  But, Cony, he is not my first lover.

Me:  Really?  ummm...interesting.... (totally awkward now).

L:  Hahaha (insert explosion of laughter here).

L 's husband:  She always love telling this story always.

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Me:  I'd like some guitar lessons.  Could you ask the guitar teacher if he'd mind giving me some lessons?

L:  Sure. I will ask him.

Two days later...

Me:  Any word on guitar lessons?

L:  I asked guitar teacher and he will give you lessons, but after school hours.  I told him no.

Me: Why would you tell him no?  I can do lessons after school.

L:  Cony, you should only have lessons during our day of school hours.  You cannot be with a man after school.  It will be just man and woman and this cannot be good news.

Me: Why?

L:  Because he is a man and might try things.

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Me:  I brought in some veggies and hummus. Ya want some?

L:  Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, really?! (this is the super surprised reaction to everything).

She picks up the raw zucchini and inspects it.

L:  Cony, this vegetable is for cooking only. You cannot eat it raw.

Me:  What? You can eat it raw. You can eat any veggie raw...I think...? (great, now she has me questioning myself).

L:  I do not think so.  

Me:  Just try it.

She takes a bite and her eyes light up.

L:  Cony, it is really good! But, I still think it is only for cooking.

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L:  My son likes you, Cony.

Me:  Cute!

L:  I do not know.  He used to say that you are not pretty as his girlfriend. But, these days, he says you are more beautiful than her.

Me:  Awwwww, really?  Cuuuuuuuuuuute!

L:  Cony, you are not more beautiful than her. People look at her and say she can be a movie star.

Me:  Isn't she only five?  And just what are you saying? (eyebrows raised)

L:  You are pretty, but not beautiful like movie star. hahaha.  I don't understand why he changed his mind? I am so surprised.  She is soooooooo beautiful.

Me:  (pouting face) Yeah, well...I think YOU'RE NOT BEAUTIFUL!

L:  hahaha Cony, are you mad?! hahaha

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One day after playing volleyball...

L:  Cony, you are a good sports player.

Me:  Thanks, Lanny!

L:  Maybe you should keep doing this and quit guitar.

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L:  I have been thinking about what you said.  Remember when you told me you are learning to pole dance?

Me: Yup.

L:  Well, I cannot believe this because I only think of those girls that do it.  You know....those girls?

Me:  Strippers.

L:  Yes, strippers.

Me:  I told you it's a type of sport now.  Not just strippers pole dance.

L:  I tried it at the park.

Me:  What??

L:  I took my sons to the park and saw a pole so I used it.

Me:  How did you know what to do?

L:  I remembered that you showed me this video (the vid was of Zoraya Judd, a professional poler).

Me:  You tried to pole like Zoraya Judd?  

L: Yes. People just stared at me and I did not a good job. So never mind.

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Showing L some family pictures and we came across one of my tattoo...

L:  Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Cony!!! You have a tattoo?

Me:  I have a tattoo.

L:  You are a stripper!

Me:  I'm not a stripper!

L:  Well, you look like one in the picture.